Good morning! This topic is way to big to discuss in one blog post so I promise, I will continue to write about it during these next couple months. I had a reader ask me over the weekend, “how do you resolve conflict in your home?”. What? We don’t ever fight or have conflict. Yeah right! I have received so many emails from readers asking,
“how do you have a heated conversation with your husband, do you ever fight?”
“do you wait until everyone is gone before you have an argument?”
“what happens if you are upset with your parents or grandparents?”
“Does your husband get along with your parents and grandparents?”
These are just a few of the email questions I get on a daily basis. I have decided to start answering them in form of a blog post every now and then. Please don’t think that I don’t read your emails if you don’t get a response from me. I read every single one! I am finding it extremely difficult to answer back each email so hopefully I will answer your questions in this format. Keep sending your questions, some of them are hilarious and really brighten my day!
Our arguments (my husband and I) are heated, full blown raging brawls sometimes and guess what, they happen right then and there and it doesn’t matter who is home. Unless of course my son is around, we are careful not to argue in front of him. Although I would be lying if I said he has never seen an argument. Our household is typical of any household that is raising children and/or shared living. Just multiply it a few times. It is hard enough getting along in a marriage or a relationship with a significant other but throw in some kids, your parents and your grandparents under the same roof and imagine the insanity. If you want to know the truth, it really is insanity.
My husband and I were having an argument the other day in our kitchen and lets just say, it wasn’t pretty. I mean, it’s normal to have arguments with your spouse. Anyone who tells you they don’t, are lying. During this argument in comes my dad moseying on through the kitchen and into our family room. Completely clueless and unaware of what he just walked into. Of course, my husband keeps on going as if my father wasn’t even there which made me ever more mad. To make matters worse, my grandfather decided he was going to come and hang out for a bit and as soon as he showed up, I left. Was I annoyed? Yes. Was I disgusted that my dad and grandfather were right in the middle of a conversation that I felt was private? Yes. Did I want to tell my dad to get out of the kitchen so I could continue to flip out? Yes. Looking back, it’s probably a good thing because the argument ended, I left for an hour or so, time went by and later that day with a calm and rational head, my husband and I laughed about it.
So to answer your question of “how do we resolve conflict?” , we don’t. I usually leave. ha. Just kidding. Honestly, I think because we have so many people around so often that at least for my husband and I, it’s probably a good thing because I know when we lived alone (prior to moving in with my parents) I wouldn’t have left a heated conversation, I would stay right in it and looking back, I think it made it worse. Now, I tend to realize that a “cooling off” period helps and not engaging and fueling the fire is also helpful.
Any conflict that involves my grandfather and I (we have our fair share of disagreements) usually involves me leaving. Don’t get me wrong, my grandfather and I are very much alike and we like to get the last word. We are both hot tempered and we both are strong in our opinions. However, in my years of dealing with him I have realized that he will never change, I mean the man is 84! He has to get the last word in. It’s just the way it is. I have learned that by telling him what I think and then leaving is best. That makes him even more made when I walk out on him. hehe. I always get an “I’m sorry” after that. ha. BUT if I stay in the argument with him, it makes things worse and fuels the fire. If I can manage to keep my mouth shut ( I pretend I have duct tape over it) and speak my peace without flipping out, he usually feels bad after and he apologizes. Probably because my grandmother has threatened his life. ha.
Well for today, that is about all I have to say on this topic. Maybe I should do a series on how we handle conflict. I didn’t even touch on the other family members. Good grief, I could write for days on this topic. How about you? Could you live with your extended family and your spouse? Would you battle with your spouse in front of everyone or would you be more private?